Health Crisis
by Jemlela
Summary: Tony is suffering from a health crisis and he doesn't want anyone at NCIS to know that there is even a problem. Will they find out or will he go through it all alone. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW.
1. CRISIS

It was early Wednesday morning, around 1 am. Tony woke up suddenly, he was having trouble breathing. He felt like he just run a marathon and couldn't catch breath. He knew he had only 1 option and that was to call Brad. He got lucky Brad was working graveyard, so all he had to do was get himself to Bethesda. Brad had told him to take some deep breath and see if that will help.

After about 10 deep breaths, Tony found that he wasn't having so much trouble breathing, but now his lungs hurt with every breath.

Brad met Tony at the entrance, he didn't appear to be sick and he wasn't coughing.

"Tony what is going on?"

"I don't know, the deep breathes helped. But now breathing hurts badly." Tony answered rubbing his chest.

"Well get you checked out, come with me."

Brad ran several tests on Tony while he slept. The x-ray didn't show any fluid in the lungs, but Brad had a feeling as to what was happening. The only thing is; how does he tell this to his patient. The stupid plague that he had 6 years ago that ended up scarring his lungs are causing them to shut down.

* * *

><p>Tony got up at around 5, he has to find out what is wrong with him and get to work. As Tony was getting dressed Brad walked in.<p>

"What do you think you are doing?" Brad asked.

"Going to work."

"You can't be serious. It was only 4 hours ago you couldn't breathe. You can't honestly tell me your feeling better."

Brad was right, he isn't feeling any better.

"Brad, I'm fine. I just freaked that is all." Tony lied.

"Tony, I can't release you."

"Fine then; I am signing myself out AMA. I need to get to work."

"I'll call Gibbs; maybe he can talk some sense into you." Brad countered.

"NO! You can't. I don't want anyone at NCIS to know that I was even here."

Brad couldn't believe it. Tony has a hard road ahead of him and he shouldn't go through it alone.

"Tony-" Brad began.

"No. It is my health and my right to not tell them. You can't call them." Tony interrupted.

Brad shook his head, as long as Tony was conscious they didn't need Gibbs consent as Tony's medical proxy. He just hopes that he can convince Tony to tell them.

"Alright, I will let you go to work on a few conditions." Brad said reluctantly.

"Name them."

"1) You come back at lunch for your breathing treatment. 2) You spend the night here and 3) most importantly under no circumstances are you allowed to run."

Tony considered this he didn't like them, but he really didn't have any other choice. Besides he couldn't run now; even if he wanted to.

"Okay, as long as you don't tell anybody." Tony agreed.

"Let's get you started on a breathing treatment, before you go to work."

"What type of breathing treatment?" Tony asked confused.

"It is mostly used for Asthma patients, but I think it can help to improve your lungs. You will need to do it for 30 minutes and then you may leave as long as you come back on your lunch for another treatment. At night we will put you in an oxygen tent." Brad explained.

Brad got Tony started on the treatment. He let the nurse on duty to remove it in 30 minutes and to release him.

"Why not just keep him here?" The nurse asked.

"If I could, I would. But he is stubborn as molasses. If I fight him on it, he will sigh himself out anyway and not come back. At least this way, I can continue to keep an eye on him."

30 minutes later Tony was leaving Bethesda for the Navy yard. He doesn't really want to come back on his lunch hour. Sometimes when they catch a case, he works through his lunch. Now he has to take his lunch, no matter what.

* * *

><p>Tony arrived at NCIS 15 minutes late, but it couldn't be helped.<p>

"You're late." Ziva pointed out.

"Thank you for stating the obvious, tell me something I don't already know. Where is Gibbs?" Tony answered sarcastically.

"MTAC." McGee answered.

"Does he know I was late?" Tony asked.

Tim nodded.

Tony sat down and got straight to work. He got lucky; they didn't catch a case so they were working cold cases. If Tony started having trouble breathing, he would excuse himself to go to the head. Once there he would do the deep breathing exercises that Brad had showed him.

* * *

><p>Tony did as he was told and spent his lunch hour at Bethesda. Unfortunately, he was late coming back from lunch making it twice today. Gibbs is really going to be pissed at him. Oh well, there isn't anything he can do about it now.<p>

Gibbs did yell at him in the elevator for being late again in the same day. Tony just let him yell without offering any kind of explanation. Finally Gibbs let him go back to work.

"Alright, everyone go home." Gibbs ordered. "And DiNozzo you better be on time tomorrow."

"Yes Boss." Tony answered as he got his things together.

"Do you want to get a drink tonight? I'll buy." McGee offered.

"No thank you. I am just going to home." Tony replied as he headed for the elevator.

Tony went back to his apartment to pack up some clothes for the next few days. Since he doesn't know how long he will be sleeping at Bethesda. Tired, exhausted and in pain Tony headed back to the hospital for the night.

* * *

><p>AN: I don't exactly know what type of breathing treatment they do for asthma. I don't have asthma or know anyone who does.<p> 


	2. 1 Option Left

Thank you for all the reviews and a special Thank you to those who helped me with asthma knowedge. I will keep it all in mind as I work on it.

Brad did an x-ray on Tony's lung while he was sleeping and then put him back under the oxygen tent. A few hour later Tony woke up disoriented.

"Did I fall asleep in a sauna? Well it isn't as hot as a sauna, but definitely as stuffy?" He questioned.

Tony sat straight up and realized that he was under an oxygen tent.

"Boy, I could sure use some fresh air." Tony said as he tried to find his way out of the tent.

"Morning, I brought your nebulizer." Brad said as he entered the room.

Tony groaned. "Brad, you are suffocating me. I just want some fresh air."

"You have to be able to breathe in order to suffocate." Brad teased as he set up the nebulizer.

Tony responded by giving him the evil eye.

* * *

><p>Tony barley made it to work on time, but at least he was on time. He sat down at his desk and continued to work the cold cases. He didn't talk to or tease his coworkers. In fact he didn't talk unless he was spoken too; and even then he kept his answers short sweet and straight to the point.<p>

He left for Bethesda on his lunch hour; he had yet another appointment with that stupid nebulizer. No matter how hard he tried; he could not get to Bethesda, do his treatment and make it back to the Navy Yard on his lunch hour. He knew Gibbs was going to kill him, maybe he should just let him; maybe then all of his problems will just go away. But needless to say he called Gibbs anyway to inform him that he was running late.

Tony kept mostly to himself for the rest of his shift before heading back to Bethesda for the night. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. There were moments when he wanted to tell Gibbs everything, so he didn't have to stay in the hospital alone. But he is use to being alone. In fact it is better this way, so he keeps his mouth shut.

* * *

><p>Brad took Tony for his x-ray while he was sleeping. Tony is the most corporative when he is sleeping. The x-rays are disappointing. There is no improvement in his lungs. He only has one choice left to save Tony's life but the thing is it could also kill him.<p>

Brad brought Tony his nebulizer and figured he could use that time to talk to Tony. Brad set it up and then sat down next to Tony.

"Tony, I'm afraid we are out of options. Your x-rays are showing no improvement in your lungs, I am going to have to operate, tomorrow."

Tony looked up from the nebulizer. "Is that really necessary?"

"I'm afraid it is. If I could see just one ounce of improvement in your lungs then I wouldn't even consider the surgery. But there hasn't been. Tony it isn't like I could look it up in some medical journal in order to give my an idea as what to do next; we have to play it by ear. The only option we have left is the surgery."

"What are my chances?" Tony asked.

"The surgery is experimental, dangerous and very risky. Unfortunately, survival rate it only 40 percent and that is pushing it; but it is our only option." Brad answered.

Tony didn't like those odds, but hey he survived worse. His odds of surviving pneumonic plague were only 15 percent; and hey he is still here.

"I meant what are my chances that I would be able to go back to work when it is over."

"I don't know Tony, I really don't. You might not be able to return to field duty. We will just have to wait and see." Brad replied.

"What will happen to me if I don't have the surgery?" Tony asked.

"Your lungs will keep getting worse until they shut down completely and your body suffociates from lack of oxygen and there would be no way of stopping it."

"Would you really do a surgery with those odds on an asthmatic patient?" Tony questioned.

" First of all, Tony you do not have asthma. I know we have been using asthma treatment to help you to breathe; but they are not working. Secondly, as a last resort I would. If you didn't have the surgery ASAP; I would say you might live another week to two."

Tony nodded and got ready for work. He might only have 1 day left in this world. Even if he survives the surgery there is no guarantee he can return to the field. If he wasn't a field agent; then wouldn't be a place for him on Gibbs team. Maybe he should just resign now and save everyone all the trouble.

"Tony, one more thing-" Brad began.

"What more could you possibly have to add?" Tony growled.

"You really should tell the others. They should be here tomorrow during your surgery."

"NO! I already told you that I didn't want them to know."

"I know what you said. But you should not go through this alone. Your state of mind will go a long way in helping you to survive it. The biggest thing in your advantage is that and your will to live.

"Alright, I will think about it. But I want you to respect my wishes and not call my coworkers. If I want them to know, I will tell them myself. Now I really have to go. I am already running late." Tony said as he left the hospital.

From his car in the hospital parking lot he called Gibbs to let him know that he was running late, yet again.


	3. What Is Going On With Tony

As Gibbs sat at his desk, he thought over the past few days. But the main thing he pondered about is his Senior Field Agent. He has been late and quiet. One thing about Tony is that he is never quiet unless something is bothering him. Tony is so used to having his mask up; he won't let people see what is really under that mask.

He didn't want to yell at Tony for being late to work and taking a longer lunch then he suppose to. He wants Tony to tell him what is going on; but the only answer he has managed to get out of Tony is "I'm Fine!" There are some people who should never have learned those words and Tony is one of them. If he had a dollar for every time Tony has used those words when he wasn't; he'd never have to worry about money again, even with his alimonies.

Abby had also noticed that something was going on with Tony. She even warned him not to be too big of a bastard towards Tony. Tony is the type that the more you push him to tell you the more he will shut everyone out. But whatever is happening has Tony shutting them out anyway.

A ringing sound interrupts Gibbs thought.

_"Hey Boss, something came up and I will be a little late getting in." Tony said through the phone._

"Okay, just get in when you can." Gibbs answers as his other 2 agents took their seats at their desks.

"Tony is late again?" Ziva asked.

"He will be here and I don't want anyone giving him a hard time about it. I'm going to go down to autopsy." Gibbs declared.

Gibbs knows that if McGee and Ziva tease Tony about being late, he will never fill them in on what is going on with him.

* * *

><p>"Hey Duck, has Tony talked to you?" Gibbs asked.<p>

"I'm afraid I haven't. I do know that Abigail is quite worried about him. Does she have a reason to?"

"I don't know Duck. I have tried to talk him repeatedly these past few days and have gotten nowhere."

"Anthony can be quite stubborn times at time." Ducky agrees.

"Does he seem okay to you?" Gibbs asked knowing that Duck watches Tony closely for signs of illness.

"Do I think he is getting sick? No. Although, he does seem to be showing signs of developing Asthma." Ducky answered.

"Could Asthma stop Tony from going in the field?"

"You and I could keep an eye an eye on him and watch out for signs of an Asthma attack. There is also medication that could also help. But with the right help, I see no reason why he couldn't continue to do field work."

* * *

><p>By the time Gibbs headed back to the bullpen, he saw Tony there working. Gibbs led Ton to the elevator to try again to get Tony to talk and once again he was shot down. Some people always thought he was stubborn, but there is no one he knows that is more stubborn then Tony DiNozzo.<p>

"I'm Fine! So please drop it." Tony said as he walked out of the elevator.

"I seem to remember a time where you swore up and down that you were fine; moments before collapsing from a gunshot wound."

Tony didn't offer any type of response as there isn't anything he could say. Tomorrow he is having surgery on his lungs and it could kill him. So he just return to his desk and got back to work.

* * *

><p>Tim and Ziva left for lunch; they had asked Tony to join them, but he declined. With Gibbs in a meeting with Vance, Tony decided that now would be the time to see Abby.<p>

"Hey Abbs." Tony said as he entered the lab.

Abby engulfed him in a hug. After a few minutes she let him go.

"Abby, I just wanted to tell you how much your friendship has meant to me these past 10 years." Tony said quietly.

"Is everything okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't it be?" Tony answered.

"You are talking strange."

"What is so strange about letting people know how much you appreciate them? Anyway I got to get back to work." Tony replied and left quickly.

Abby stares at the door very confused. She immediately called Gibbs.

"Abbs, what is the emergency?" Gibbs asked as he walked in her lab.

"Did you yell Tony? Were you your usual second B is for Bastard towards him?"

"No Abbs. I tried to get him to tell me what is going on; but I didn't yell at him. Why would you ask me that?"

"He was just down here and he was talking really strange. As if he was trying to say goodbye, I think that he is thinking of leaving NCIS."

* * *

><p>Gibbs rushed back to the bullpen with Abby following him. Tony wasn't in the bullpen, but Ziva and McGee were.<p>

"Did you guys see Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"No Boss." Tim answered.

Gibbs walked to his desk. He got a sense of dread as he saw what was sitting on his desk. Tony's gun and badge sitting on an envelope addressed to him. He didn't need to open the letter to know what it said. It was his letter of resignation. Abby was right, he is leaving. But if Tony really thinks that he can just walk away without a fight; he has got another thing coming. Gibbs dials Tony's cell phone, but heard the ringing coming from inside the office. The phone is sitting on Tony's desk.

"McGee, trace Tony's phone calls. I want to know everyone he called and from where he called them. If he is in some type of trouble, we will rescue him." Gibbs ordered.

Ducky and Palmer joined the rest of the team in the bullpen as McGee worked on the trace.

"Uh, Boss. When Tony called you this morning it was from outside Bethesda. Yesterday, when he called to say he would be late coming back from lunch; it was also outside Bethesda. The only other person he has called was Dr. Pitt and that was on Wednesday morning around 1 am." McGee spoke up.

Everyone stared at McGee in shock. Tony was sick and he is keeping it from them. Gibbs got a feeling of where Tony went after leaving NCIS. But why would a sudden illness cause Tony to decide to resign. He doesn't have any answers, but he will get them.


	4. Between A Rock and A Hard Place

Tony headed back to Bethesda after leaving NCIS. He immediately went to his room to lie down. Brad came in to see him.

"How was work?"

Tony shrugged.

"Did you tell Gibbs and your coworkers?" Brad asked.

"No, I actually ended up resigning. So it isn't even an issue anymore." Tony answered as the nurse walked in to set up his nebulizer.

"Tony, did you listen to anything I said to you this morning?" Brad growled frustrated.

"Sure I did; you said that I needed surgery and that it is scheduled for tomorrow."

"Tony I also said that your state of mind and your will to live are going to be the 2 biggest things that will work to your advantage during the surgery."

"I am fine." Tony argued. "Gibbs doesn't need to know. I am no longer on his team so it is no longer an issue."

The nurse finished setting up the nebulizer.

"When he is done with the nebulizer, put an oxygen mask on him; we will set up the tent tonight." Brad told the nurse before walking out.

* * *

><p>"Are you still going to do the surgery tomorrow? He seems down." The nurse commented as she came out of the room."<p>

Brad just looked at her. He didn't want to do the surgery not now; not like this.

"Thank you Tony. You just put me between a rock and a hard place." Brad growled.

"Bradley." Ducky called out.

"Duck, Gibbs; what are you guys doing here?" Brad asked pretending he didn't know. There would be only one reason why they would be here and looking for him.

"Is Tony here?" Gibbs asked.

Brad looked to Gibbs trying to decide if he should tell him or not. Well technically Gibbs is still listed as Tony's next of kin. Tony has made it clear he didn't want them to know, but he never removed Gibbs as his medical proxy. Normally he would speak with Ducky as a doctor, but not this time.

"I can speak only to you Gibbs. What you do with the information I give you is no concern of mine." Brad finally answered.

"I will wait with the others." Ducky announced as he left Gibbs and Brad alone.

"So Tony is sick?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes, but not like you are thinking. He doesn't have pneumonia or even a cold." Brad began.

"So what is it then?"

"Tony's lungs are shutting down. He has been on breathing treatments and his lungs are not showing any sign of improvement. They only seem to be getting worse."

Gibbs listened to Brad explain. But the only thing the explanation is doing is causing an achy feeling in his heart and gut. It sounds as if Brad is saying that Tony is dying and doesn't stand a chance of getting better.

"You can help him right. Please tell me you can save him." Gibbs begged.

"At this point, I really don't know. I was planning on doing surgery tomorrow. The surgery is risky and experimental but his only option."

"You said 'planning', are you still going to do it?" Gibbs questioned confused.

"I have been encouraging Tony to tell you and the others; but he has refused. He even came back today, claiming that he resigned. I warned Tony this morning before he left to go to the yard that the biggest things on his side during the surgery, is his state of mind and his will to live. But the only thing I have seen is his mood deteriorating as the illness gets worse. Tony has me between a rock and a hard place and I don't really know what it is that I should do. If I don't do the surgery, he will die; and if I do the surgery in his current state, I might as well be signing his death warrant."

"Let me talk to Tony. I will see what I can do."

"Okay, but only you. If he wants to see the others then they can go in, but it is on him. The only reason I told you anything is because in spite of everything he has been through these past few days; he never removed you as his next of kin."

Gibbs tries to digest this information, but he couldn't understand. Tony was just going to go off and have a surgery that may very well kill him and nobody would have been the wiser.

"I am going to fill in the others; then I will go see Tony." Gibbs replied.

* * *

><p>Abby paced the waiting room while Ziva, Tim, Jimmy and Ducky just sat there. Hopefully they will have news soon and they can visit Tony. Everybody raced towards Gibbs as soon as they saw him coming.<p>

"How is Tony? Can we see him?" Abby asked.

Gibbs relayed everything Brad had told him to the group including that they couldn't see Tony unless Tony is willing to see them first. Abby refused to accept that claiming that Tony needs them even if he is too stubborn to see it. Gibbs promises them that he will try to get Tony to agree to see them; but he can't force the issue. Abby still refused to accept that as the final answer, but she knows that she doesn't have any choice.

Gibbs gave Abby one last hug before leaving for Tony's room. Abby waved sadly as she watched him go.

"I love you so much Tony; you are like a brother to me. I just wished it had been enough for you to tell us the truth." Abby cried on Tim's shoulder afraid that she will never get to see Tony again.

* * *

><p>Gibbs walked down to the room number Brad had given him. He peaked through the window to a very pale Tony staring at the ceiling with an oxygen mask breathing for him. He saw the makings of an oxygen tent pulled back. He remembered when Kelly was little and she had croup. She had to sleep under one of those tents and how much she hated it. She cried and cried begging him and Shannon to let her out of the tent. He ended up sleeping with her under the tent holding her in his arms all night.<p>

Gibbs shook the thought of Kelly and Shannon from his mind for now. He has to talk to Tony and he has to do it with a clear mind. Dwelling on his past and the family that he lost isn't going to help the situation any.


	5. Bad Person

Tony looked up and groaned as he saw Gibbs walking into his room. With the oxygen mask on, he figures he wouldn't have to talk to him.

"DiNozzo, I want you to listen to me. Your resignation letter has been denied. You are still a member of my team; and the entire team is here for you and will be here tomorrow during your surgery." Gibbs said.

Tony shows no response that he is even listening. He is actually hoping that Gibbs would just leave.

Brad enters the room to check on Tony's vitals. He decided to switch Tony's mask for a cannula. Tony glared at Brad.

"Your surgery is scheduled for 7 a.m." Brad informed.

"What is going to happen during the surgery?" Gibbs asked at it seems that Tony didn't care.

"We will hook Tony up to a machine that will continue to distribute oxygen to the rest of the body, while we stop his lungs from working. We are going to try to massage and stimulate the lungs in hopes that they will improve. The procedure has been known to work with the heart; but it hasn't been tried before on the lungs."

"Then why try it now." Gibbs asked.

"Because it is our only option. In theory it should work. But that isn't the most difficult part of the surgery. The most difficult part and the most dangerous part come after the surgery when we disconnect the machine. The moment the machine is disconnected; his lungs should began to take over. That is the tricky part and where your will and state of mind comes into play; because it is completely up to you and your lungs to begin breathing again. I don't want to stop your breathing for the surgery if you are so down; because I don't know if you will start to breathe again once the machine is disconnected." Brad told Tony and Gibbs.

Tony still showed no response as he was listening. His stubborn streak is in full force.

"Hey DiNozzo, are you even listening?" Gibbs growled.

Since Tony is no longer wearing the mask, he can't use it as an excuse not to talk.

"I heard."

"Brad, will you excuse us." Gibbs asked.

Tony looked to Brad, pleading with him not to leave him alone with Gibbs. But Brad left anyway.

"Tomorrow, you are having surgery and you don't even seem to care. Do you really want to go through this alone?" Gibbs asked softly.

"I am alone. Always have been, always will be." Tony whispered.

"You. Are. Not. Alone. I am here for you. The team is here for you. They want to see you."

"I don't want to see them. Just tell them to go home and to forget all about me. I am not worth their time or trouble."

"No Tony; that isn't going to happen. You may not be able to see it or understand it; but we all care about you, we all love you. But none more than me, not even Abby. I see you as the son I never had. I don't know how I could go on living if you don't fight to wake up tomorrow after your surgery. If Brad would let me; I would be in there with you holding your hand and encouraging you to fight. I am not giving up on you, so don't you dare give up on yourslf."

"Why do you care; no one else does?"

"Tony, I want you to tell me why you hid your illness from me." Gibbs ordered.

Tony sighed. "Because I am a bad person and would only be a burden to you and everyone else. The hospital staff, they get paid to take care of me. That is there job. You shouldn't have to look after a burden like me."

Gibbs stares at Tony amazed by not only what he had said, but the way he said it. In a voice like he doing nothing more than stating facts.

"Who told you, you were a bad person?" Gibbs questioned even though he had a feeling as to who it was.

"I'm bad because I am sick."

"Being sick doesn't make you a bad person." Gibbs argued.

"Sure it does. When my mother had cancer and was in the hospital; father had forbidden me from seeing her or even visiting her. He said that she was bad wife and that is why she had cancer. A few months after she died I got really sick. I had to have my tonsils out, but they had gotten really bad and I had a throat infection. I had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks while the infection cleared up and for the doctor to remove my tonsils. No one visited me at all. Father had said that I was a bad and a disobedient child and that was why I had gotten sick. He stayed away the entire time I was there; he didn't even let my nanny visit me. She tried and he fired her for it and had her deported back to Puerto Rico. I didn't even get to say goodbye. She had been with me since I was a baby. She was the one who taught me Spanish. She was my rock when my mother was sick and when she finally died." Tony said not even bothering to wipe away the tears were falling.

"Tony-"

"I haven't thought of that in a long time; but I was dreaming of it, the night I woke up unable to breathe. Dreaming of my father's reaction to my mother cancer and my illness. I could only imagine what he would have said if he knew I had the plague. He would say it was my fault because I was bad and in this case he would have been right. I never would have gotten sick with the plague or be sick now if I didn't open that stupid letter."

"Tony, don't blame yourself for it. It wasn't your fault. You also would never have gotten sick if the crazy woman hadn't mailed a plague infested letter to the Yard or if her daughter hadn't lied about being raped. They are to blame you are not."

"It doesn't matter what they did; I opened the letter. I did this to myself because I am a bad person." Tony argued.

Gibbs didn't know how to convince his son that he isn't a bad person. But he is very glad that Tony's so-called father is already dead; because if he had ever met that SOB, he would have killed him without even thinking twice about it.

* * *

><p>AN: I made the surgery up completely. I don't know if it is an actual procedure. But in this case it is something I pulled out of thin air.<p> 


	6. A Plan

Gibbs sat down on Tony's bed and attempted to hold him. Tony resisted and struggled against Gibbs, but Gibbs would not let go. Eventually, Tony relaxed; he wouldn't hug Gibbs back, but he stopped trying to get away. After a few minutes, Tony fell asleep in Gibbs' arms. Gibbs move to make himself more comfortable without waking Tony.

Brad came in the room and took in the sight. He doesn't think he has ever seen Tony so relaxed as he is right now.

"I hate to disturb him; but we need to run some tests."

Gibbs nodded and untangled himself from Tony. Tony opens his eyes and stared at Gibbs and Brad.

"We need to run some tests. Gibbs can come back after we are done." Brad informed.

"Don't bother. Just go home. I will be fine on my own." Tony answers as he closes his eyes. A nurse who had been waiting outside the door entered the room to take him for the tests.

"Tony, I will be right here when they bring you back." Gibbs responded.

Tony didn't say anything as the nurse took him away.

"How is he doing? It looked as though he was out of his depression when I walked in and saw him sleeping in your arms."

"The only reason Tony came to you was because you are a doctor and that means you get paid to take care of him." Gibbs answered.

"I may be his doctor, but I am also his friend. I would take care of him, even if his insurance wasn't paying me."

"Don't tell him that. He thinks that he is a bad person because he is sick."

Brad looks at Gibbs in shock. He has never heard that before and certainly wouldn't think it about Tony. Tony is one of the bravest and most courageous men he has ever met; a little reckless at times.

"You mean that is why he wants to go through this alone. That is crazy. He needs people who care about him around him. Why on earth would he believe that?"

"I never knew it before today. I knew that Tony's mother died of cancer when he was a child. His father had told him that she was sick because she was a bad wife. After her death Tony had gotten a bad case of tonsillitis and a throat infection. He was left alone in the hospital with no visitors believing that he was a bad child and that was why he was in hospital."

Brad could not believe what he was hearing. How could anyone do that to a child? Well he has to make sure his father doesn't show up at the hospital; that would due him more harm than good.

"What does his father look like? I want to make sure he is not allowed to visit."

"You don't have to worry about that; he died from a heart attack a few months ago. Tony found out last week. The funeral was over and so was the reading of the will. Tony pretends that he doesn't care about missing the funeral; but I know he does care. His parents have been on his mind a lot this past week; not that he would admit it to anyone, especially his father."

"We have to do something to change his attitude and before tomorrow. I am going to go check on his tests. It will be another hour before they bring him back." Brad informed as he left.

* * *

><p>Tim, Ziva, Palmer and Ducky watched as Abby paced back and forth waiting for the word that they can go see Tony. Everyone stood as they saw Gibbs coming.<p>

"How is Tony? Can we see him now?" Abby asked as tears streamed down her face leaving black streaks on her cheeks.

"No, I couldn't get him to agree. We all need to get Tony to believe and understand how much we love him. But unfortunately, that is easier said than done. Abby, Tim, I want you to make a recording of everyone telling Tony how much he means to us all. He needs all of our love if he is going to survive his surgery tomorrow. After everyone's message is recorded put it on a continuous loop."

"Sure Boss, we can do that." Tim spoke up.

"Get started on that. When you are ready to record my message call me; and I will give it to you over the phone. The rest of you go with them to record your message and then go home. Be here tomorrow at 6 am." Gibbs ordered.

Gibbs watched his team leave. He hopes this plan works and lets Tony know that they are all pulling for him.

"Shannon, tomorrow Tony is having a life threatening surgery. I need you and Kelly to take care of him and make sure that he comes back to me. I never thought I could live without you two; that is until I met Tony. We need each other; not that either one of us will admit to it. If you have any pull up there; please help him to understand that he has a family here that needs him and loves him. Please don't let me lose him too." Gibbs begged.

"Gibbs, we are taking Tony back to his room." Brad said interrupting his thought.

"Okay. Brad, I have an idea. Abby and Tim are making a recording of messages from everyone sending Tony our love. Will he be able to listen to the recording during the surgery or do we need to play it for him before the surgery." Gibbs asked.

"Before and during the surgery is fine. He can use his headphones. The messages will sink into his subconscious and hopefully gives him that fight he desperately needs. In a few minutes Tony will be back in his room. They will be setting him up under the oxygen tent. If you want to stay with him under the oxygen tent that is fine with us." Brad explained as he walked away to check on another patient.

* * *

><p>As Gibbs walks to Tony's room his phone rings; it is Abby ready to record his message to Tony. Gibbs thought for a minute about what he wants to say. After giving Abby his message, he continues on to Tony's room. The nurse was getting ready to move the oxygen over a sleeping Tony. Gibbs climbed into the bed to hold his son as he had once done for his little girl when she had to sleep under an oxygen tent.<p> 


	7. Recording

Brad walks into Tony's room to prep him for surgery. He smiles as he sees Tony and Gibbs asleep under the oxygen tent. He really hates to disturb them but they do need to get Tony ready.

"Gibbs. We need to take Tony now. " He whispered not wanting to wake up Tony. "Is the recording here yet?"

"I'll call Abby. If not they should be here soon."

"Have the receptionist page me when Abby gets here with the recording." Brad answered.

Gibbs walks out of the room and watches through the window as Brad prepares to take Tony for surgery.

"Wait." Gibbs said as the passed by. He got down close to his sleeping agents ear, "Tony, I will be here waiting for you when they bring you back. I expect you to fight. I won't accept anything less from you. Understand."

* * *

><p>The team came rushing into the waiting room.<p>

"Did they take Tony yet?" Abby asked.

"Yes, they are prepping him for surgery. But Brad is waiting for the recording."

Gibbs had the reception page Brad and gave him the tape. Now all they could do is sit back and pray that Tony comes through surgery.

* * *

><p>Brad goes into the operating as the nurse is preparing to put Tony under. Brad puts the headphones on Tony and starts the recording hoping that it will do the trick and give Tony the fight he needs.<p>

Tony hears the voices as he drifts into an unconscious state.

Gibbs: I know I don't say it; but I love you so much. You are the son that I never had and always wanted. I will always be here for you no matter what. But in order for me to do that; you have to wake up when the times comes. Please Tony; I need you.

Abby: I love you so much; you are my big brother and my best friend. I don't know what my life would be like if you weren't in it and I really don't want to find out. Please, please wake up.

Tim: Tony I see you as a brother. You pick on me but I know you only do it so that I will learn to stand up for myself. All of my life people picked on me. You were the only one who used it as a method to teach me to stand up for myself and you wouldn't accept anything less. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you. I know where I wouldn't be and that is an NCIS agent on Gibbs' team. I am not ready to lose my big brother. I still have so much to learn from you.

Ziva: Tony, you have always been a true friend to everyone. You were always there for me whether I wanted you to be or not. You risked your life to rescue me. We all need you; we know that if we are ever in trouble we can count on you. Well now you're the one in trouble and we will be there for you no matter what. You can count on us.

Palmer: Tony you always saw me as more than an assistant ME. You took care of everyone when Gibbs took his retirement, never stopping to see what it was doing to you. I always appreciated our talks when life got to be too much for you to handle on your own. I know you want to give up; but you can't. We all need you and we all are here for you.

Ducky: Young Anthony, I know you are tired and I also know you can survive this. All you have to do is try; put your faith in us. We will always be there for you. But the one person who needs you the most is Jethro. You turned his life around. Let us love you. Keep fighting.

* * *

><p><em>I know that this chapter is short but the next chapter will be during Tony's surgery and he sees 3 people who will help him to fight and wake up.<em>


	8. Dream

**The entire chapter takes place inside Tony's mind while he is in surgery.**

* * *

><p>Tony walks into a park; he remembers this park. His mother used to take him here all the time before she got sick. In the distance he sees a little boy climbing the tall ladder to go down the slide. He heard a voice.<p>

"_Be careful Tony; don't go too high."_

"Mom." Tony said as he wipes away a single tear.

"I like parks too. Daddy used to take me when he was home." A little girl's voice said.

Tony looks to see who was talking to him. He immediately recognized the girl. It's Kelly Gibbs.

"But my favorite thing to do was work on Daddy's boat with him."

Tony smiles at that. Many times Gibbs had offered to teach him how to work on the boat; but every time he said no. His father had always told him that he breaks everything he touches. He doesn't want to break anything.

"Come with me to the bench. There are other people who are waiting to see you." Kelly said pointing to the bench on the other side.

"Kelly, why are you here? This place is from my childhood not yours."

"Why are you here?" Kelly shot back.

"You see that little boy over there." Tony said pointing in the distance to the kid on the slide.

Kelly nodded.

"That is me when I was almost 5. It is the first time my mom took me to this park. I wanted to go to the high slide. She didn't want me too. Every time my dad went out of town my mom was sure to bring me here. I haven't been here since my mom got sick. That little boy was happy." Tony admitted as he watched the boy play on the slide.

"Tony, when the time comes to go back; you have to go back." Kelly urges as she takes Tony over to the bench.

Tony sees a redhead sitting on the bench. He recognizes her as Shannon. He has seen a photo of Shannon and Kelly at Gibbs' house.

"Hello Shannon."

"Tony, Jethro is really worried about you. You have to go back; you have to wake up."

"He needs you; not me. Nobody ever needs me. Nobody ever wants me around." Tony admits as he sits down next to Shannon. Kelly climbs in her lap.

"That isn't true Anthony. My little Tony." Patricia said as she emerges.

"Mom!" Tony jumps up and hugs her.

"You were my life until I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The pain medicine combined with the effects of the chemotherapy had me so strung out that I stopped being a good mom to you. The alcohol made me forget the constant pain I was in. But, I stopped being your mother. I knew I was going to die; I wasn't afraid to die. My only regret was that I was leaving you behind. I tried to find the ideal family to adopt you; I couldn't stand leaving you with a man like your father. Your father found out and locked me in a hospital's cancer ward and as far away from you; my little boy. I begged Anthony to let me find you a loving home and family. A family like the Gibbs. But he said no, he said that you belonged to him and he would never let anyone else have you."

"It's okay mom. I'm fine."

"Tony you are alive. You're not fine. You have never been fine; not since I contracted cancer and had to leave you behind."

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

Patricia takes her hands and put them on both side of her son's face.

"I really wish you didn't know those words. You don't let people get close to you. You have spent every day since my death pushing people away. Your fraternity brothers unknowingly taught you to how to hide behind a mask you still cling desperately to. You need to let go of your mask and let your friends see the pain you try to hide."

Tony pulls her hands down as he hugs her.

"I can't. I will let them down. I know I will. That day they are going to decide that they want nothing more to do with him. It will hurt too much if I let them in."

Shannon watches Tony and his mother together. She can't even begin to imagine the type of pain he is in. "Oh Tony. You will never let Jethro down. He loves you. Just listen to his words."

_I know I don't say it; but I love you so much. You are the son that I never had and always wanted. I will always be here for you no matter what. But in order for me to do that; you have to wake up when the times comes. Please Tony; I need you_.

"You hear him. He needs you. He wants you. Kelly and I can't go back; were dead. But you; you are not dead. You are in limbo. You can go back; you just have to fight to wake up when that time come. Take care of him and he will take care of you." Shannon continues.

"My little Tony; let Leroy Jethro Gibbs be the father you have always needed. He has been a father figure to you since he met you in Baltimore. Now, let him be more than a father figure; let him be your father. You need him more than you will ever admit." Patricia adds.

"Tony it is time to go back." Kelly pointed.

"Go back Tony." Shannon says.

"Wake up Tony." Patricia urges.

Tony give his mom one last hug knowing it will be the last time.

"I will always be in here." Patricia said as she points to Tony's chest. "If you need me; I will be here for you. You just have to look inside."

Patricia, Shannon and Kelly waves as Tony walks away from the park and fades away.


	9. Awake

_AN: The description of Tony's recovery is completely made up and has no part of actual truth in it. It is like the rest of the story; fiction._

* * *

><p>Gibbs paces the waiting room.<p>

"Jethro relax." Ducky said watching him.

"I can't Duck. Right now, Tony is in surgery. We do not know what will happen next. Ordering him to live, may not work this time. Tony has been so down these past few days that we could only hope that the recording is working."

"True, but working yourself into a state won't do anyone any good; especially Anthony."

Brad walks up to the group before Gibbs could answer.

"How is he?" Gibbs asks afraid to hear the answer.

"He survived the surgery. The rest is up to him. He is currently on oxygen, we will know if the procedure works if and when he wakes up."

"May we see him?" Abby begged.

"The only person I can allow to see Tony is Gibbs. The rest of you can see him after he is awake and if he agrees to it." Brad informs.

Abby let the tears fall, her best friend and big brother doesn't want her around him anymore.

"He doesn't like me anymore."

"Abigail, it is not that." Duck tries to comfort her.

"Abby. Listen. To. Me. Before Tony's surgery; he was in a bad way. But it had nothing to do with you or any of us. Tony has been hurting since he found out about his father's death; more than we realized. Getting upset isn't going to help Tony's recovery; it will only jeopardize it by making him feel guilty. Let Tony know that he is still loved even though he in a lot of emotional pain and is very confused as to who cares about him and who doesn't." Gibbs explains.

Abby nods she is going to do whatever she has to get through to Tony how much she loves him.

* * *

><p>Brad leads Gibbs to Tony room. Brad wants to say something to Gibbs; but he doesn't know if he should.<p>

"Gibbs, if you know a psychiatrist that Tony might trust and open up to. I suggest you call them."

"Tony won't open up to anyone." Gibbs points out.

"You should at least get him to try. He really needs to talk to someone and a professional would be best."

Gibbs nods. Brad does have a point; these past few days have proved that.

Gibbs walks into Tony's room hoping that Tony will wake up and they can put these past few days behind them.

"Hey Tony; it is time for you to wake up." Gibbs whispered in Tony's ear.

Tony opens his eyes and stares at Gibbs' face. He doesn't even try to talk as he is wearing an oxygen mask.

"That is good Tony."

"Welcome back Tony." Brad says with a smile. "I am going to change the mask for a canal."

Tony nods showing them he understands. Once the canal is on and he can talk.

"When can I get out of here?" He asks gasping for air.

Gibbs would tell him not to talk

"Oh yeah; now there is a shock." Brad teases in a sarcastic way. "Tony we have to wait and see if your lungs heal enough for you to breathe on your own."

Tony rolls his eyes; that isn't the answer he wants to hear. "I have to get out of here. I have to go to New York."

"What is in New York?" Gibbs asks.

Tony didn't answer.

"How long will I have to stay here?" Tony asks.

"Tony, you can't rush your recovery. If you do; then you will damage your lungs beyond repair." Brad informs.

"So how long of a recovery process are we talking about?"

"6-8 weeks. Also when you are released you will be in a wheelchair."

"What? Why?" Tony growls.

"Tony, you need to take it easy. Being up and about will put more pressure on the lungs then they are ready to handle. I know that keeping you in bed for that long of time just isn't going to happen. I only want you walking around for 10 minutes at a time the rest of the time you do need to be in bed or in the wheelchair." Brad explains.

"So that is it. Just a wheelchair and I can go."

"No; there is more to your recovery than just that. You will need to be on oxygen as well. 4 times a day we will take off the oxygen for 30 minutes at a time under a doctor's watch; mine or Ducky's. As the recovery progresses we will increase the time off the oxygen until the lungs heal and you are able to breathe completely on your own. But I am warning you, pushing your recovery even once can do irreversible damage."

Tony nods. It wasn't as if he has much of a choice. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life on oxygen. He couldn't be on Gibbs' team if he was on oxygen permanently. He doesn't know if Gibbs even wants him back when he gets better; but he can hope. He can hope that the recordings and his dream is accurate; that they really do love him, especially Gibbs.

"In an hour we will remove the oxygen for 30 minutes. I will leave you 2 until then." Brad informs as he walks out the door.

"Tony, don't worry; we will all be there to get you through this. No matter how alone you think you are; you're not. We are here for you; no matter what." Gibbs comforts.

Tears fill up Tony's eyes, but he refuses to let them fall.

"The team would love to see you. They are in the waiting room, may I go get them."

"Okay." Tony agrees.

* * *

><p>Gibbs returns with the team. Abby is ecstatic that she finally gets to see her best friend and big brother. Gibbs had warned her to go easy with Tony and she will; but that doesn't mean she isn't excited.<p>

"Hi Tony." Abby said as she sits in the chair next to his bed.

"Hello."

"My dear Anthony; Jethro told us about your recovery process. I am more than happy to lend a hand in aiding your recovery so you can get out of here." Ducky informs.

"Thank you Dr. Mallard." Tony responds in a serious tone.

"What is with the formality? We are all family and maybe you will finally learn that family is more than just blood. Family is people you love who love you back. And we all do love you very much. You will survive this too. With all the support you will be getting, whether you want it or not, how can you not."


End file.
